Am I Going to Die If I Eat This?
For the love of God, I'm not a medical professional, people.
I am starting to keep a log of all the things that I do that are related to or because of my ADHD so that I can slowly work to move past the behavior and start habits that are actually helpful and healthy.
So how is it going? Y’all, I am shoveling shit against a tide. That is how it’s going.
There is one thing that is driving me crazy right now because I am overwhelmingly aware that I do it and why. Apparently, I am utterly incapable of putting coffee creamer back in the fridge.
It makes sense. The first thing I do when I get up is make coffee. I can’t exist without the help of the delicious hot bean juice we call coffee.
This means that unmedicated me makes the coffee. Also, I would like to state for the record that it is cruel that we have to make coffee before we’ve had coffee. How are we supposed to figure that out? Yesterday, I put the grounds directly in my mug, not the coffee maker. I offer no explanation.
ADHD meds happen after the coffee, so unmedicated me is also in charge of putting the coffee creamer away. I am not lying when I say that getting a spoon to stir my coffee is enough to throw any thought of the existence of creamer out the window.
A few days ago, after returning to the scene of the creamer abandonment for the 319th time this year, I got struck with a little bit of crippling anxiety concern. Am I going to die if I drink this?
If you had “going to my computer and Googling food spoilage for 90 minutes” on your ADHD Madness Bingo Card, please come to the front table for your prize.
As I am not one to hoard knowledge, and I do NOT want you to have to read some of the things I have read, I am here to help you determine what you can eat from your counter without risking death.
Shit’s about to get weird. I’m not even sorry.
The general rule of thumb
Apparently, anything deemed perishable should not be eaten after sitting out for two hours. I would like to have a meeting with the people from the USDA to help me define perishable. Does that mean everything but Twinkies? I have questions.
After two hours, bacteria grows rapidly, along with your chance of getting nasty sick. There is a connection between it coming from an animal and a higher risk of the nasty sick. Say no to nasty sick.
The danger zone
Heat is the deciding factor. Anything left hanging out between 40 degrees and 140 degrees for more than two hours might make you feel unwell. That goes for pasta, charcuterie, and your ex-husband.
The worst thing to leave out? Meat and fish. I once drove two hours and a half hours back to college with Thanksgiving leftovers. I ended up with salmonella. Two thumbs down. Zero stars. Do not recommend.
So will my creamer kill me?
I read 18 different articles because I use a plant-based creamer made out of coconut milk. So, not from an actual animal. From a plant. That I could leave on my counter and it won’t kill me because fruit and vegetables last a long time. But there is moisture involved, so I am confused.
No matter what kind of creamer I Googled the answer was the same: I have two hours. I feel duped. Still, I feel as long as I avoid dairy stuff, the chances of death are greatly minimized. So I have that going for me.
More fun facts:
Reheating food does not magically make it safe again. It’s a microwave, not a magic oven.
Pizza is not exempt, not even if you have a hangover. Sorry, imbibers.
Pasteurized, salted butter can be left out for a few days. It’s because of the high-fat content. I suddenly feel really seen. Thank you, butter.
Non-dairy creamer, when not opened, will last for almost two years at room temp. Damn. I feel like this levels up everyone’s post-apocalypse plans.
Not washing you fruit or veggies until right before you eat them makes them last longer.
Bread does not necessarily last longer in the fridge, although Darren, who sells me his artisan sourdough at the farmer’s market, begs to differ.
So there you have it. All the weird things I Googled because of my special, pretty brain. You’re welcome?
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